If you're worried about someone
It’s not easy to know how to support a student who is experiencing abuse, but you can make a difference.
Red flags
Red flags are signs that indicate someone may be experiencing violence or abuse. While none of these are definite indications, you should be concerned about your friend or loved one if they:
- isolate themselves
- change the way they dress or look
- stop attending lectures or miss work
- become secretive
- have unexplained bruises or injuries
- are often late to social occasions
- put themselves down
- are careless with their appearance
- have difficulty concentrating (which can lead to poor performance at university).
How you can help
Do not confront the person responsible for the abuse. No matter how tempting it is, your confrontation can escalate the abuse.
Ask and listen
You don’t have to be certain your friend or loved one is experiencing violence and abuse in order to talk to them.
Set a time to talk where you will not be disturbed. Be open and honest when you tell your friend that you are worried about their safety or about their relationship. Tell your friend that you’re there for them, but don’t force them to speak to you – let them confide in you in their own time.
Reassure your friend that it is not their fault. Let them know that they are not alone and there are people ready to help. Keep in mind how tough it must be to talk about their experiences, so be sensitive.
Just by talking and being there for them, it already makes a difference. Having someone who cares enough to ask about the abuse can help cope with the feelings of isolation.
Don't be judgmental
It is difficult to see someone you care about deal with experiences of violence and abuse, or go back to an abusive relationship. However, respect their choice. You have tried your best to help.
Don’t place shame, blame or guilt on the friend and continue to be supportive. People who have experienced violence and abuse may believe it is their fault.
Help them re-examine their strengths and skills and focus on the fact that nobody deserves to experience violence and abuse and victims are not to be blamed.
Encourage them to get help
Understand that you alone cannot rescue your friend. They have to be the one to decide it’s time to get help. However, with encouragement and options for support, your friend may decide that it is time to get help.
Support them
This includes doing everyday activities with them, as well as trying to encourage them to go back into doing something they used to enjoy. For example, if they were in a sport team or part of a society, encourage them to go back to it. It allows them to have a sense of control and identity again.
Create a safety plan
A safety plan helps lower your friend’s risk of harm by helping them think about what they should do if they start to feel unsafe (who will they call, what support services are available).
Contact us
Additionally, you can get in touch with us if you would like to tell us about someone who is experiencing violence or abuse.
To access the support available through the Student Support Intervention Team, you are required to make an identified disclosure using our Report & Support tool.
An anonymous disclosure option is also available using Report & Support. You can use this to make us aware of your experiences without identifying who you are, which helps us to identify patterns of violence and abuse that affect our students. If you choose to make an anonymous disclosure you will not be contacted directly.
This information can also be viewed on the Cardiff University Student Intranet